Funny Adds

The following are regrettably phrased classified ads that have been placed in newspapers throughout the world.

- "Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel."

- "Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 yeards old. Hateful little dog."

- "Snow blower for sale...only used on snowy days."

- "Georgia peaches, California grown - 89 cents lb."

- "Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour."

- "Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop."

- "Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00."

- "Government employer looking for candidates. Criminal background required."

- "Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too."

- "We’ll move you worldwide throughout the country."

- "Tattoos done while you wait."

- "Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it."

- "Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink."

- "Illiterate? Write today for free help."

The Three Sons

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our Mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I’ve got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took Elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He’s one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. My eyesight isn’t what it used to be. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!"

"Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"